10 things to be aware of when returning home drunk

1: A "pile-on" is not as well received at is used to be - housemate's partners tend to be particularly unappreciative.
2: The kettle is no real substitute for a hot water bottle.
3: Leaving a half-eaten kebab to guard the door is not going to help you find your keys.
4: You may have moved house, please check for clues that you still live there, such as a pile of half-eaten kebabs by the door.
5: This may not be the best time to introduce yourself to your neighbours, however opportune the moment may seem.
6: Standing in the middle of the street screaming "Would someone please try to sell me some FUCKING SKUNK" is unlikely to have the desired effect.
7: Pissing in the kitchen sink will not go unnoticed.
8: If you're going to sling porn on the telly, for goodness sake don't fall asleep in front of it.
9: As unpleasant as sleeping in your clothes may be, sleeping naked on the sofa is NOT cool. Note: If you sit on the sofa, even for a second, you will sleep on it.
10: The vomit will most certainly not clean itself.