10 harsh realities that no amount of alcohol or counselling can prepare you for

1: The carrot in your sick is not magic, but is, in fact, the lining of your stomach.
2: You never stop getting hangovers.
3: No one is going to employ you as Action Man (for our American readers (both of you) that's like GI Joe but considerably less rubbish)
4: Winning the lottery is not a viable life plan.
5: At some point you are going to have to iron something.
6: While your nob may not be shrinking, your beer gut is almost certainly growing.
7: Beyonce is NEVER going to sleep with you.
8: Referring to your bank manager as "dude" is not always guaranteed to convince them to extend your overdraft. Again.
9: Learn to like wine. It's gets you more drunk, more cheaply and makes you belch less.
10: Playing the PlayStation while she is asleep does not constitute "foreplay".