10 good things about being a year older

1. You are one year closer to the invention of the hoverboard
2. Research has shown that your genitals do not shrink with age
3. The older you are, the more children there are around you, whose hopes and aspirations you can shatter on a whim. Bring it!
4. With age comes social impunity. Only an elderly person can sit on a bus, shit themselves and then loudly blame it on someone else
5. You can finally order that Eau de Piss et Cabbage cologne you've been longing for all these years
6. Slippers become a day shoe
7. When you've got no hair, a beer gut, incontinence and toenails reminiscent of dessicated turds - no fucker is going to try and get you to sign up to a charity in the middle of the street, nor are they going to offer you a shitty free paper you don't particularly want to read
8. Singing to yourself at the bus stop is no longer likely to result in you getting stabbed
9. You get to use words like "whipper-snapper", "rap-scallion" and "rambunctious" and call people in their 40s "young man"
10. Fatigue is now a valid excuse