1. Your missus is probably tucking her tits into her belt
2. An erection is only a thing that prevents you from falling out of bed in the morning
3. No one fucking cares...
4. ...and yet it is still both your fault and problem
5. Regularly pissing yourself is not all it is cracked up to be and colostomy bags are grim
6. Granny porn is rubbish and more than a little sinister
7. Your swimsuit modelling days are over
8. Surgical stockings are unlikely to help you score (unless you're after medication for brittle bones or morphine)
9. Your underpants will be older than the nurse trying to remove them to change your colostomy
10. Your flirting is now referred to as "letching"
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