10 reasons to be happy about Christians (and maybe other people too) celebrating Easter

1: 4 days off. Nuff said.
2: On Sunday, shit loads of them will be in church, ergo, less people queuing at the bar. Beer served quicker. Nice.
3: The cave they put Jesus' dead body into was sealed with a "rock in the shape of an egg" (this is what they taught me at school, I shit you not) so we get to eat loads of eggs...
4: ... made of chocolate. Obviously. Cocoa is native to the Middle East. Jesus ate it. Who knows. Who cares.
5: If people want to refer to the day their "saviour" got nailed to an ex-tree as "Good" Friday, then they're clearly all mental. Leave 'em to it, and don't fucking mess, I reckon.
6: No Easter means no churches. No churches, no graveyards. No graveyards, nowhere to hide when the police are after you for a dunk and disorderly.
7: It puts people in a good mood. Some geezer's just given me a free coffee - and I don't think he's trying to sleep with me. That shit just doesn't happen when it's snowing.
8: You can't hate it. That would piss off the Easter Bunny. From memory, the Easter Bunny is 6 foot tall, blue, and he'll fuck you up.
9: Kids off school. Kids can easily be bribed or intimidated into fetching you beer from the fridge. Don't let them drink it though or you'll be locked up, and by the time you get bailed out the little bastards'll have drunk the fridge dry.
10: It's a fuck sight easier to get your hands on a Cadbury's Creme Egg.
Note: Eating 6 on the trot will make you puke. This significantly diminished their allure. Feed your children 6 on the trot - then they'll never steal yours again.