10 excuses for never having watched E.T.

1: You've been taking a dump for the last 20 years.
2: I am E.T. - why the fuck would I watch a film about myself. Fuck off.
3: You can't tear yourself away from your newly purchased picture of an Abacus (jpeg format).
4: BMX bikes made you feel all funny, in a dirty way, and you don't want people to think that a poorly animated alien is causing any degree of self trouser-yoghurting.
5: Your foot got stuck in a dent the space time continuum, and now you are too confused by the infinity of the multiverse to be bothered with shit like films, and breathing.
6: You are by no means a fan of hospital-based dramas (and are dyslexic).
7: You didn't want to lose your place in the queue.
8: You are protesting that Harrison Ford was not cast in the lead role.
9: You feel really guilty about having perved over Erika Eleniak after she grew up. And also, or perhaps especially, the frogs.
10: You are still harbouring a great deal of disappointment and resentment that they did not release a sequel called E.T.C.