10 more reasons to smoke a pipe

1: When combined with a magic flying cape, it may allow you to fly. Note: Pipe optional.
2: May be converted to blow bubbles, enabling you to quickly curry favour with a difficult child. Before you drown it.
3: It's a babe-magnet, should you accidentally fall into a bucket full of the 18th century.
4: It's the thinking man's comfort blanket.
5: It'll make your Dad uneasy.
6: Should you be threatened by a pipe-smoking badger, the common interest may buy you the time to barter for your life with tobacco and badger fellatio, or badgellatio.
7: Allows you to laugh in the face of no-smoking signs that only show a crossed-out cigarette. Arise, Sir Pedant.
8: It's more fun that trying to smoke a Christmas hamper full of kestrels.
9: Emptying a pipe by tapping it firmly on the sole of your shoe, is one of life's disappearing pleasures. Like clubbing a seal, or stealing a country.
10: Pipe smoking is the only proven way to produce an adequate quantity of sputum of the necessary taste and viscosity to properly use a spitoon. That makes you a cowboy.