10 reasons why Victor Kayam (if that is his real name) is such a dickhead

1: Victor Kayam doesn't come when you call him (try it...)
2: He sucks at curling.
3: 9 out of 10 cats would not leave their kids with Victor Kayam.
4: God liked him so much, he killed him.
5: Victor Kayam breeds baby rabbits, shatters their legs with an 8 pound lump hammer, and then races them down a flume lubricated with battery acid.
6: Victor Kayam cannot tie his own shoelaces. I can. Ha.
7: I strongly suspect that Victor Kayam was in no small way responsible for the untimely death of my uncle's pigeon.
8. Victor Kayam once puked on himself. He liked it so much, he bought it.
9: Victor Kayam's recipe for "Jerk Chicken" owes nothing to the culinary tradition of the Caribbean, and more than it should to the centre pages of Razzle and the abuse of poultry.
10: Victor Kayam once took a shit on the Bayeux Tapestry, and then blamed it on a group of mentally retarded children on school trip. He later went back, scraped off some of the shit and ate it.