1: Rough but cheap toilet paper. Good for having a holy shit.
2: Acts as a reminder that progress is a good thing. Makes funny
reading for the rational homo sapiens.
3: Shove it up a Jehovah's Witness's backside. Pleasingly it's an
especially uncomfortable size and shape.
4: Can function as a cheap and sadly plentiful resource for making
Scientologists look taller.
5: Cut a hole in all the pages, it's a smashing place to hide your crack.
6: Can allegedly ward of evil (sadly this doesn't apply to Christians or Jews).
7: Can simlutaneoulsy make a prison sentence seem worse whilst providing material for completing that long-distance origami class.
8: When torn up, mixed with paste, smeared on an inflated balloon and
painted blue, it passes as a monumentally shit Christmas present.
9: The pages can be crumpled up and placed inside wet shoes. The wet shoes can then be placed on the hardback cover and positioned in front of a source of heat like a fireplace (or the gates of hell, for example). Provided the shoes are wet to begin with, they will soon be dry. (Look – it's fucking hard to find ANY proper usage for a bible – give us a break! Carlsson)
10: Makes an excellent "moral" shield behind which to cringe, giving you free reign to exercise prejudices of all kinds, and get round to that genocide project you've had on the back-burner for so long...
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