10 things to do when you can't access the internet

1. Recreate the entire world-wide web in html code in notepad, and then surf offline at your own leisure;
2. Make prank calls to Boris Becker, or someone who vaguely resembles him;
3. Construct a cape out of disused furniture and fight crime;
4. Go outside. You'll find people there, too;
5. Call your parents and catch up. Only joking;
6. Write pointless lists that no one will read or find amusing;
7. Watch teletext, the 'other' internet;
8. Use your imagination;
9. Recreate your favourite websites using the medium of mime and generous servings of gin. Note: mime optional;
10. Go to bed. It won't kill you, unless you're destined to die in your sleep. In which case death could strike at any moment, provided that you are asleep.