10 ways to spot when someone is dead

1: When you shout "Stop" they do not instinctively respond with "Hammertime".
2: After a short upsurge in bedtime stamina, their performance between the sheets becomes consistently lacklustre and increasingly distant.
3: Their saxophone playing skills cease to develop at the expected rate.
4: They can sit all the way through Titanic without vomiting.
5: They develop an uncanny knack for winning at Musical Chairs.
6: They never get their round in.
7: Someone puts them in a big wooden box and buries it.
8: White-water kayaking no longer seems to hold them in such a thrall as it used to.
9: They allow the dog to keep humping their leg "to completion".
10: They become the one thing in your flat that smells worse than you do. (NOTE: At this point is is advisable to unchain them from the radiator and spark up the bonfire).