10 things they should have taught you in school

We all know going to school is tantamount to taking all semblances of the human spirit, grinding them down and moulding the naïve gooey remains into the shape of a dysfunctional adult. It is like work but without the realism. Here's a hastily compiled list of things they should have taught us in school that for some reason were omitted from the curriculum:

1. It doesn't really matter if the earth is flat or round. You will still be required to get a job.
2. Being alive is, generally, a series of failures, unfulfilled desires and remembering to take the trash out on Thursdays. Biology currently does not go far enough in accounting for this phenomenon.
3. Calculators are actually easier to use than mental arithmentic, and frequently give a more accurate result.
4. Negative numbers are, for all intents and purposes, only useful as a measure of how much debt you're in at any given point.
5. Failure to hand in homework on time does not in any way increase the likelihood of getting prostate cancer, affect one's ability to successfully navigate through IKEA on a Saturday afternoon or help elucidate the meaning of life.
6. Having a job is an awful, protracted experience only surpassed by dementia and poorly-run care homes.
7. Miracles seldom, if at all, happen. Especially not to you.
8. Latin is a useless subject, the knowledge of which will never prove handy in any situation outside of the British Museum.
9. Denial works.
10. Violence does frequently solve things.