We all know playing golf is trite, shite and devoid of delight. It should, as a rule, be avoided at all costs as a form of recreation or indeed for any other purposes. Here's ten suggestions that we believe will revolutionise the game.
1. Fill all bunkers with liquid hot magma (or boiling tar should the course find itself some distance from a volcano or magma-store)
2. Summarily shoot anyone who shouts “get in the hole”
3. Replace the hole with the sandmonster from Star Wars
4. Replace the ball with a well-crafted lump of dynamite
5. Publish notices on all golf courses forbidding the act of donning clothes to look like someone's dad
6. Award points for artistic merit
7. All golf clubs should be constructed from materials relating to the clubs' names, except the putter which should be gently fabricated from butter mixed with clay
8. Golfers should be made to wash their hands before, during and after putting, preferably in a manner that suggests some familiarity with the lewd mannerisms of an ageing Uzbek sailor
9. Strip golf should be invented
10. Colin Montgomery should instantly be banned from playing strip golf
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment