10 things that should be uninvented and suggestions for their replacements

1. Those crappy little scooters. To be replaced with hooverboards
2. Work. To be replaced with time off
3. Hangover. To be replaced with the Hungover, where drinking alcohol increases the size of your penis/breasts/vulva
4. Mornings. To be replaced with double-length afternoons (this is to have no bearing on cultural morning time icons such as Jeremy Kyle, whose topical low-brow discussion programme is to be aired as normal)
5. Conversation. To be replaced with sex (or derivatives thereof)
6. Unhealthy food. To be replaced with food that has all the qualities and characteristics of unhealthy food whilst being completely healthy
7. Street performers. To be replaced with golden statues of Steve
8. Problems. To be replaced with saline solutions, or 'fun' things
9. War. To be replaced with a cueing competition because the British will win
10. Spelling of the word “cue”. To be replaced with “queue” (can be done retroactively,- see point 9)