10 unpleasant euphemisms for the male ejaculate

1. there goes another teenage pregnancy;
2. lubricant of life;
3. lady liqueur;
4. eau de pee-pee;
5. pricksap;
6. cock-icing (on the cake);
7. snout sauce;
8. a breath of fresh air;
9. vin au coq;
10. man custard (as used by Ramon Cackhoul'e, pictured)

10 things not to say to a customer when things go wrong

1. (fingers in ears) LALALALALALALALALA – not listening - LALALALALALA
2. The easiest way for me to fix this is for you to fix it.
3. I have fucked up bigger projects than this.
4. Do I look like someone who cares?
5. I am not paid enough to fix this.
6. Who are you?
7. If you are religous, start praying.. if not we are up shit creek without a paddle.
8. You can borrow my mobile to call someone who cares.
9. Don't blame me, you hired me, blame yourself......prick
10. Normally when this happens I go to the pub.

10 suggestions to assist in bringing a dull conversation to an abrupt close

1: When I pee it stings, and I can smell smoke.
2: Must dash, the bunnies won't suffocate themselves, you know!!
3: I'm your mommy now.
4: Is it time to let Captain Trouser-Tinkle out yet?
5: Did you know that the number 69 has the property that n2 and n3 all together contain each digit once: 69 * 69 = 4,761 and 69 * 69 * 69 = 328,509.
6: Sorry, are your ears made of spam jelly? Mine are.
7: Mooooooooo.
8: Is it safe to cook mince in a microwave? Also, have you seen my potato?
9: Shh. Can you hear that? IT's the sound of the woof-ferret. Run!!
10: Oh, just fuck off, will you?

10 unsuitable names for a Quail

1: Kevin.
2: Geoff.
3: Administrator.
4: Seven.
5: "!".
6: Birdman.
7: Sue-Ellen.
8: Pongo.
9: Duck.
10: The St. Mary's Friends and Provident Stadium, Southampton.

10 fitting names for a Quail

1: MordeQuail
2: Philip
3: Ximones
4: Cassandra smells (of Quail)
5: Quail
6: Quail, also.
7: King Ramtut Nameses III, Ruler of All Egypt. Quail.
8: Q-Diddy.
9: Kway - El.
10: Quentin Uriah Iannis Andromac Lychee (Quail).

10 famous quails

Not including MC Quail of "You can't Quail this. Stop! Quail Time" fame (pictured)

1: Flaubert's Quail (deceased due to parrot costume-related asphyxiation)
2: Yankee Doodle Quail (Quail. Deceased. Eaten by another, slightly bigger Quail)
3: Big Quail (deceased, due to undigested quail. See Quail 2)
4: Le Quail (Deceased. Drowned in shallow vat of brandy, in France. Although the French have no word for shallow, so how they told anyone remains a mystery. Quail)
5: Captain Quail (Deceased. Suicide, post demotion to Lieutenant. Invented Monopoly (Quail Edition). Quail)
6: J. F. Quail (deceased. Suicide as a direct result of being shot firmly in the head with a gun. Now a famous airport and Quail sanctuary. Quail)
7: Dave "QuailStrike" Quail V.C. (Deceased. War Hero. Flew into jet engine. Then fell off cliff. Wrote Portuguese poetry inspired by the Life of the Quail)
8: King Quail (deceased. Shot from top of Empire State Building after excellent gorilla impression. Notorious drunk and teller of fibs)
9: Quail Darwin (deceased, due to evolution. And typhoid. First Quail to prove that Quails descended from monkeys, and not, as previously suspected, from Quails)
10: Atta Quail. (Deceased. First leader of Turkey - now known as Quail.) Quail.

10 useful facts about pike (the toothy fish, not a big stick – because it pleases Steve)

1. A pike, during rigor mortis, may be adequately ledged in a door frame as a chin-up bar. Note: Post-rigor mortis, flaccid, pike are unsuitable
2. Pikes make trusty pets. It is a little-known fact that Napoleon himself kept a stuffed pike named Graham, whom he would take out to dinner and the theater, regale with anecdotes on the subject of penicillin, and lick softly when he felt alone
3. The cassette edition of Now That Is What I Call Music 23 contained trace elements of pike
4. When combined with 300 Belgians, a yard of displeasing sand and an inflatable map of Uruguay, the pike can form the basis of several elaborate practical jokes
5. The wheel may or may not have been the brainchild of a Scottish pike
6. The American constitution was briefly written in pike
7. Jesus's unknown 13th disciple was presumably not a phlegmatic pike answering to the name of Trevor
8. Pike is an anagram of kepi, a type of French hat
9. It is easy to confuse a pike
10. Pikes are our friends. Offer your neighbourhood pike money, but do not insert your cock in its mouth (besides the ethical issues raised here, fish and fowl should never intertwine)
“I just love pikes, man” (Carlsson)