Carlsson can't truly enjoy himself unless he's:

1. Offending someone, preferably the recently deceased;
2. Stocked up on White Ace;
3. More successful than his opponents in Jeopardy, by some margin;
4. Unable to catch a lit cigarette whilst someone is filming whilst exclaiming "how cool am I?" with a futile timbre;
5. Within an arm's length of his private parts at all times;
6. Able to make Steve feel guilty;
7. Knee-deep in a four-day drug-induced stupor, somewhere between Norwich and Lewes;
8. Constantly aware of the direction of north;
9. In a state in which he can enjoy himself (see points 1-8, but especially 2, 5 and 7. And 3);
10. Able to discuss, with no particular reference to fact, the phenomenon of the quail.