Ten facts

We all know facts are boring and, well, factual. We here at the Gasmpire are somewhat boring and, well, factual too.
We are also fairly lazy, so we’ve chosen to compile a list of ten obvious facts, to save us doing the research.

1. Sticking your cock in a blender is no way to spend a Thursday;
2. Consuming alcohol may increases the likelihood of getting drunk;
3. Playing the banjo naked in a blizzard is stupid (may also lead to significant decrease in body temperature);
4. A biscuit covered in faecal matter is no substitute for "the work ethic";
5. Excessive drinking will lead to your urine;
6. Referring to a colleague as a "Roaring Tosspot from Hades with all the charisma of a brick smeared with discharge" is unlikely to get them "on side". However, do it anyway;
7. Making an omelette without breaking an egg does not an omelette make. Unless you like eating eggshells and raw egg, in which case it is fine;
8. If someone has a "case of sour grapes" one should not necessarily be given to understand that their luggage is stuffed with elderly fruit;
9. If it smells like cheese and it looks like cheese, presumably it is cheese (note: not true);
10. If you eat nothing but lemons for 15 years, you will most certainly not turn into a lemon. You may, however, die.