Friday, 5 October 2007

10 excellent euphemisms for the humble bum-hole...

1. Balloon knot
2. Boris Johnson
3. Turd sprinkler
4. Rusty Sheriff's Badge
5. Chocolate Starfish
6. 0.0001 miles of Belgium
7. Chutney mine
8. Serviceman's entrance
9. Cockney pudding
10. The Inverted Minstrel

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

10 implausible excuses for having a piece of fruit up one's bottom

Taking the intellectual high ground, as ever...

1. It's a political prisoner.
2. It's not a banana, it's a bendy yellow egg - I'm going to be it's Mummy.
3. Shhh... it's sleeping.
4. It was like that when I got here?
5. I was brutally sodomised by the Man from Del Monte, don't you know.
6. Blah... changing lightbulb... blah ... step ladder... blah... naked... blah... fell... blah... fruit bowl. You make up the rest. I don't care.
7. It must have fallen of the bloody great tree in my pants.
8. It went up there looking for the pineapple.
9. I wondered why that smoothie had a "pooey" aftertaste.
10. My butt-plug is on holiday.